DAY 3 & 4

DAY 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

DAY 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I think I have now sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of something I need to forgive myself for.... I think that is something that kind of goes along with regret but I dunno. For those who know me really well, you know that I don't really let go of things very easily.. I don't forget things that people say, especially when it is something negative towards me. My mom is always telling me that I hold grudges way too bad. But I don't really think that I would call it a grudge. I can move on past something and get over it just fine... but that doesn't mean that it just disappears out of my head.. I'l always remember that it happened. So I guess if that means I hold grudges then I guess I do. Which also means that I don't very easily forget the things that I, myself, do and say to other people... So I guess that would fall into the category of something I should forgive myself for. I should learn to forgive my own mistakes, with relationships in particular. There are ways that I have handled situations that I wish I had handled them differently and there are some where there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it and wish I hadn't done it al l or done it differently at least.. There are 2 situations that I can think of in particular, one was following a relationship and the way I handled a couple of instances with them, and the other would be a situation with a friend that has been since I have been married. There are always those times when things just come flying out of my mouth and then they end up biting me in the butt later. I think these instances have really shaped me to who I am right now though. I am pretty much an open book at this point.. if someone wants to know something about me.. all you have to do is ask and I will more likely than not- tell you whatever you want to know. I find that honesty is the best policy and I learned that from all the mistakes I have made in my past relationships. You will always know where you stand with me, and if you don't- feel free to ask and I will be brutally honest and tell you. I just wish other people were the same way though- I find myself worrying and wondering where I stand with someone and I just try and try and try and don't really get anything out of it. I guess there are worse things I could be doing though- being nice to someone or being someones friend for no reason isn't realy a bad trait??

So for DAY 4- something I need to forgive someone for... There are a few that come to mind right off the top of my head... like I said before- I don't forget things. They aren't really anything major so I kind of just put them in the back of my mind and move on but each time I see or talk to these people- it all comes rushing back- and that's never a good thing. I'm sad to admit this though but the one person on the very top of my list- isn't really going to be forgiven anytime soon. And that's my own problem I guess- and that one will be held against me- not them- I know... but that doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight either. The reason I have held on to this one and all the others is mostly because I have a hard time forgiving someone who isn't sorry for what they did. Either they don't think they were in the wrong or they just don't care that they did it at all. The one on the top of my list didn't even really burn me that bad either... but I am seriously MAJORLY protective of  my hubby.. I'm like a mama bear protecting her cubs or something like that when it comes to him... and it will most likely be worse when I have children too. But you do something to hurt him or anything negative towards him at all- consider yourself on my black list. I'm way more forgiving when people hurt me but when they hurt him- you'll be lucky if we ever speak again. LOL. I sound horrible I know. So that's something I need to forgive someone for. It's hard when they aren't sorry about it too. But that's no reason not to forgive someone. We haven't spoken to them in a couple years now and it doesn't look like that will be changing any time soon, and it's for the best to have it this way. One day I will forgive them for the things that were said, just not today :)