SURGERY

Well I went to the doc today. I really hate going in there because I pay them to basically tell me everything I already know. I reviewed my MRI report and understood what it said and I knew what the doc was gonna tell me today but I still had to go in and have him say it out loud. It is just kind of frustrating because of how expensive it is to just TALK to a doctor. it ended up being cheaper for me to have the dumb MRI than it was to talk to the doc. Anyways.. there is my little vent of frustration about medical bills. So based on the title of my blog I'm sure you know I'm having surgery on my hand. yay! He said there is a possibility that the tumor could be wrapped around the nerve that runs through there but it was hard to tell. So if it is affecting the nerve they might have to take part of it out in the surgery. Which means part of my 3rd finger would be numb. They always try and avoid doing anything that would damage the nerve of course but sometimes it's unavoidable. So a few of the downsides to the surgery are that my finger might go numb, My hand most likely will develop scar tissue (which hopefully will be avoided with some lymphatic work), I have to miss 4-6 weeks of work to heal all the way, and it's gonna most likely be expensive. I'll be able to use my hand pretty well not too long after the procedure but where I do massage therapy- I won't be able to go back to work right away like most people can. It will take the 4-6 weeks to get the full strength back to where I am able to use pressure. The downsides don't really outweigh the good sides so that is why I have decided to go ahead with the procedure. I have had this thing in my hand for over a decade and it has bothered me the whole time. I am sick of having the dumb thing in there and it's time for it to come out! I can't have the surgery right away though which kinda sucks.. I have to save up a bit so I can pay for the surgery and save up for the time I will be missing at work. The doc said there is no urgency on the timing of the surgery because the tumor is most likely benign. We are thinking the best time to have it will be around the end of April/ beginning of May. It will give us enough time to save our money up and all that and if we do it around that time- it falls after the semester is over and before Summer semester starts so I won't have to miss any school for it. Work might be a little slower around that time as well so I won't be hurting them by missing my shifts. Louise might kill me though because the recital is at the end of May.. maybe I will have a speedy recovery and be able to play still... who knows. doubtful though. It's easier for me to miss the recital though than it would be to miss school and also I need to have some time for the money aspect of it or else we will be screwed. I think I kind of need to mentally prepare for it as well.. I am not good when it comes to pain and needles- all that stuff freaks me out. So 5 months should be plenty of time to get all my nervousness out. So thanks for all of you who have been asking about it and showing concern. It's been a pretty crazy week between finals.. my doctors visits.. work.. and a few other family issues and problems that have come up. We will make it through though and we will be ok. So..... I will be pretty bored for those few weeks I am out for the surgery so if anyone needs any help with anything I am sure I will be available with lots of free time on my hands. :)

My "tuma"

^this one is the view of my palm

Side view

Pretty cool pictures huh? they are taken from my cell phone because I could only get the MRI cd to work at my sisters house so they are a little fuzzy. I had to move my next doctors appt to next week cuz I didn't want to have to miss the review session for my class on thursday. It's been a rough week for me thus far- not gonna lie.. with finals and everything coming up and then my tumor issue.. lots of medical bills comin in from it and it's just really frustrating me right now. I kinda had a small breakdown at my piano lesson today.. thankfully Louise is awesome and just always makes me feel better. As she says.. "Shet Happens" Lol! so on to bigger and better things for this week hopefully. McCall is such a sweetheart as well and always knows just what to say. Anyways.. I never finished my thankful installment so here's the last 8.

1: I'm thankful for Louise for doubling as my Therapist :)

2: I'm thankful my in-laws live only four and half hours away. It's still far enough that it feels like a vacation but not too far that I can't stand to make the drive. Hopefully once school is done we can visit them more often.

3: I am thankful for my mini college fund. My parents made a small college fund when my first nephew was born. It's not much but it is going to cover most of spring semester for me which is a huge relief! school is getting way too expensive!

4: I am thankful that I saved my tips two months ago and I already have all my christmas shopping almost all the way done. My Christmas decorations are up and I finished my mom's too. I am way ahead of the game! yay!

5: I am thankful for youtube haha! After a hard day I found myself laughing hysterically at some of the videos on there. "I don't like you mommy" was my favorite. Definitely cheered me up when I needed it. Stupid I know.

6: I am thankful the Utes know how to lose with class, Such a good game even if it was a loss

7: I am thankful for my sense of humor and that of my friends. Life is too short to not to laugh.

8: I am thankful for my life. I don't always recognize the things I have been given. Life is hard but it's worth it.

on to the next week. hopefully I'll survive it! :)

7:

MRI results

Well I got my MRI back...Everything is fine and it all sounds pretty serious but it's really not so don't freak out :)  I have an appt with the doctor on Thursday to go over it. But thanks to my anatomy backround I can pretty much understand the MRI report on my own. It basically said that I have a giant cell tumor of the tendon sheath in between my 1st and 2nd fingers.. it's not a synovial cyst like we had first thought. which means it is a mass and not a fluid filled sac. I wish I could get the pic on here.. it looks pretty crazy.. so if anyone wants to see come on over!! :) Another thing that was pretty crazy was when the let me look at the images after I was done getting the MRI, the growth was WAY bigger than I thought. I had thought it was just a cyst in the 2nd web of my left hand. no big deal right? but it actually runs down into my hand.. down the length of my 3rd flexor tendon. It's being fed by my blood vessels and nerves that also feed that particular tendon. its about 12mm long.. I had though it was just like a little pea shaped ball not like a worm thing. The distal end of this growth has more of a ball shape and is closer to the surface so thats why I could feel it. I fell pretty ok about it all just because I have had it forever and if it was gonna kill me it would have already. (we hope) I guess if it's something serious then I might be in a little bit of trouble. I doubt it will be a big deal though. I most likely will have to have surgery on it which sucks. He said if it was more of a tumor then they would want to remove it. So most likely that's what I will go over in my appt on Thurs. I will post more later this week. So suregery here we come!! I don't know if I will feel whole without my tumor lol.. Kami and Jaelyn said I should keep it in a jar so I will remember it forever... kinda creepy- they are too funny! So hopefully we can get finances figured out so all this can happen ok. Fingers crossed! :)

Next "Thankful" Installment

Can I just say- I miss these girls like CRAZY!!! they are so cute and getting so big! other than that... Not much new to report on.. I have been blogging alot lately.. Alot to talk about I guess. I went to my specialist Dr's appt on thursday.. no new news on that one just yet.. I have an MRI scheduled at McCall's work on wednesday and then I go back in to see what it is and what my options are as far as the surgery or procedures that I can have. More info will come when I have it. We leave for Colorado on Wednesday afternoon.. after my MRI and after I see ^ those cute girls for a little bit. They are coming for Thanksgiving but we are going to Colorado so we won't be around while they are here. I'm gonna try and bribe em a little so that they come for Christmas too :) the only thing I have to bribe with is massages though so hopefully that'll work haha! Anyways.. on to my next 7 items on my "thankful" list.

1: I am thankful for requested clients. While I don't have as many as some of the other therapists.. I have had a few this week that with out them- my schedule would have sucked even more than it already has. I tis our slow season right now and I am practically begging for appointments. so if anyone wants a massage- Massage Envy will gladly take you.

2: I am also grateful that our "slow season" doesn't last very long. it's only like a month to a month and a half long. and then we are back to busy again! other places have slow seasons that can last 6 months.. so I am grateful that Massage Envy is an exception.

3: this year I am grateful that IHC has pulled it's head out it's own rear end. IHC can be so frustrating to me sometimes.. last year they cut Christmas bonuses.. which meant we lost out on alot of money that we are used to getting. but this year- they decided to be awesome again and gave back the bonuses! wahoo! so I am VERY grateful they did that!

4: I am grateful that the English dept. at Weber also pulled its own head out of its rear! you see... when I started college at the U I took english 2010.. cuz I was smart and tested out of taking 1010. but when I transfered to Weber.. they said I had to go back and take the 1010.. so dumb I know! I even got an A in 2010 and everything! but I went in the other day to have them register me for the 1010 and she said they changed the policy and I didn't have to do it! yay for one less class to take!

5: I am grateful that ALL of my friends are prego right now (ok maybe not ALL but almost!!)- Lots of baby showers coming up! so excited! I am grateful though because then I can just borrow their babies for my baby fix :) yay!

6: I am grateful for Blogging.. I suck at writing a journal so this is as good as it gets for me. and it helps me de-stress to be able to put my thoughts onto something tangible. Be grateful they aren't very deep thoughts though- I can be pretty weird if you get me talking about whats on my mind.

7: I am grateful I remember some of my dreams. Weird.. I know... but lately I had some pretty cool ones (not sharing what they were about though) and I find that I dream about whatever is on my mind the most... and it is just a small way for me to live another life almost.. to experience things that I can't in real life.

anyways.... I'm weird.. it's official.. McCall already knows this.. :) but he loves me still so it's all good. Just be grateful that you aren't him and you don't have to hear all my odd weird thoughts ALL THE TIME! :)

I officially have no life as of JAN 4, 2010

I have officially signed away my life to Weber State University. I registered for Spring semester and have made Weber my second home basically. I will be there 5 days a week. So therefore, I will have no time left over for anything.. no time for friends.. no time for sleep.. no time to myself or with my hubby.. nothing. So to all of you who will try to hang out and do fun things with me/us.. don't take offense when we can't do anything until May. I really hope you won't take it personally or think I am just trying to ignore you. All free time from Jan- May will be spent either studying for my classes or practicing the piano. and maybe a little sleep here and there. Work and School will be taking up my time now... so sad..... goodbye social life... Thanks in advance for being understanding about it. Sorry if I am out of it or in another world.. and I will most likely be pretty ornery.. so sorry in advance for that as well. School is priority right now though and I need to get it done. Anyways... I go in to see the specialist about my hand today.. so I will update my decision on that one when I have some answers. Thanks everyone for the helpful info and for showing concern to me about it- I really appreciate it!

The Next Five

Well I don't really have any pictures to post this time- I kinda forgot to take pictures over the weekend. Me and my sisters went to a conference called Time Out For Women.. it's put on by Deseret Book and they have a bunch of speakers and musical presenters. It was really cool- basically like a 2 day fireside. I loved listening to Hilary Weeks- she is so amazing! I would definietly recommend it to everyone! it was a really good learning experience! So anyways.. On to my next 5 things on my list of thanks:

1: By far after sleeping on my mom's pull out bed on friday night for the conference- I am so extremely grateful for my amazing bed! It is by far the best investment we have ever made!

2: I am grateful to be driving a safe car this year- my Mazda ROCKS in the snow!! which in Utah and especially in Ogden it is pretty much a necessity.

3: I am grateful for my Talents.. I don't take advantage of them very much but I'm glad they are mine. the main one I am thinking of this week is my Crafty ability(at least the one I think I have). It is definitely saving us this Christmas for sure- I have been frustrated working on the gifts lately but I am glad it is working out. Hopefully everyone getting homemade gifts likes em! I'll post pics later after we give them and they open em- don't want to ruin anything ;)

4: I am gratefulf or the women we have in leadership positions of our Church- I learned alot at the conference and I'm glad we have such great people as our examples.

5: I am grateful that I turned out normal- I know you're all thinking- what? she's not normal? I mean that in the sense that I wasn't born with some incurable disease, I have all my senses and they function mostly perfect, I have all my limbs, my organs etc etc. Basically what made me think of this is because there was a speaker at the conference who had eye cancer very young and then later in life had to have an eye removed and had no sight after that. I can't even imagine what that would be like and how hard that would be. It just made me gratful for the small things.. the ability to see my family.. see the colors of the season.. to see light and dark. I can smell my yummy food.. hear beautiful music.. feel a kiss from my hubby.. just all the little things like that- that I take for granted.

Give Thanks!

So I have been blog surfing lately and noticing on Facebook how everyone is kind of taking on the whole "thankful all month long" type idea... and frankly I don't think I show how thankful I am for everything very often.. so even though I am starting a little late I decided I am going to do the same thing. I looked back on my Thanksgiving post from last year and I am amazed at how much my life has changed since then. I don't necessarily want to say that I was unhappy back then but I felt like I had more bad days than good. My life has taken a 360 turn around and alot has changed for us. I feel bad I had such a bad attitude last year but I am not even going to begin to try and explain it or excuse it to anyone because no one really understood back then so why would they now? needless to say... it was a hard time in our lives and we have moved past that and are doing much, much better this year!! some things that have changed: we moved into our town house that we love- wish it was in a different city but oh well. I have a new job that I also love- my co-workers freakin ROCK!! I finally bought my Mazda that I have been wanting for like 5 years! yay! I started going to school again and am doing pretty good with it actually- excited for the next semester! McCall started applying for some jobs in his career field- no luck just yet but we have definitely learned alot from it and are better prepared for that perfect job to come along! I finally am getting my hand issue figured out- surgery doesn't sound very good but if it's what must be done- then so be it! I'll just be glad to have it over with. I got my wisdom teeth out- finally! now I get to have my teeth straightened again! can't wait! and I know I shouldn't necessarily be happy about this but we definitely have some awesome friends this year- not that we didn't before but McCall has found some co-workers that are his good friends now and they are really great to him- he seems alot happier these days- and I know I am alot less stressed out about it all. I love having a drama free life right now! hm... can't think of much else.. I'm sure there are a million differences between this year and last year.. but we are definitely doing great- and lovin life alot more this year than last! one of the many things I am grateful for right now! so here's my list for the last ten days..

1: by far the first thing on my list I am grateful for is my husband. I am so lucky we found each other and get to be together forever. He is sooo good to me and I couldn't ask for a better life than the one he has provided for me. We are more in love than ever and our relationship has grown so much this last year and I look forward to every second I spend with him!

2: a few things meshed into one: the gospel, the temple, being sealed in the temple etc. just the gospel overall. It brings so many blessing and teaches so much. I can't imagine growing up or being a part of any other church.. we have the true church and the gospel has enriched my life so much!

3: Family... Although my family can be frustrating sometimes I wouldn't want it any other way. We both have such great families- I am grateful to have a better relationship with my mother in law this year as well.. both of our families do so much for us and I am grateful for the influence they have on our lives.

4: I am grateful for my health. I haven't had the best luck in that department for the past few years and this year it hasn't been too bad for me actually. I am not as stressed out and so I think that has helped alot right now. I also found a good family doctor in case I need anything- I actually have a place to go!

5: I am grateful for the gift of music. I love love love music! I don't take advantage of my piano talents as much as I should and if I could I would just be constantly learning new songs to play.. but life kind of gets in the way of that. Music just calms me and makes me feel so much better and I am glad I have that in my life.

6: I am grateful for a roof over my head and a wonderful place to call home. I don't love our neighborhood and I kind of complain about it alot but I love our house.. it has so much more space for us.. and I love to decorate so it has given me alot of projects to work on.

7: I am grateful for our employment. I hate McCall's work sometimes.. they frustrate me... but I am grateful for it because it gives us money of course so that we can live comfortably.. It has given McCall some great friends.. and I know ALOT of people that would kill to have his job. So I need to be better and be more grateful that he has it. I LOVE my job as well.. I have so much fun at work with my co-workers and clients.. I get to make other people feel better all the time and I love that I can have a positive effect on other people's lives.

8: I am grateful for great friends.. we have such awesome ones... and have made some new ones recently in the most odd of situations too. We hang out with the Eddy's alot and they never get sick of us.. at least not yet.. we have some interesting conversations and some fun sunday afternoons.. I am just glad we have someone to spend our time with that share our values and can stand our personalities. and ones who will sit through a Nascar race and take interest in the things that McCall loves... not many people would do that- thanks guys!

9: I am grateful for technology... weird I know.. but there are so many things I use every single day that without our modern day technology -my life would be very difficult. I definitely could not have lived in the pioneer days.. I am way too attached to my electricity.. my computer... my AWESOME bed.. microwaves.. ovens.. just everything that makes my everyday life easy. :)

10: I am grateful for school- especially right now. Education is so important and I love that my husband sees it as such a high priority.. our lives will be so much easier later on once we are done. It is so hard right now and I just wish we both could be done and get on with life.. but I know that it is a very important part of our life and will be very worth it in the end.


ok that is all for now... sorry for my rambling.. more to come later though! :)