MoViNg DaY!! (warning- long post)

Well the long awaited day has almost arrived... we are moving! We will officially be all moved in to our new place on February 7th but we will be in the process of moving the whole first week of February. I must say- you never really realize how much crap you have until you have to put it all in boxes and move it. It's all good though.. I have really been putting off packing and I am probably way behind but at this point I am just not too worried about it.. it will all get moved eventually anyways so I figure- why stress about it? My brothers have agreed to help us out and get all of our big furniture moved so I am pretty happy about that. The whole situation we have gone through in the past year and a half has not been easy on us at all and we are just ready to move on with our lives and let someone else take over from here. No one really understands or believes the trials we have had to deal with while living there and until they have walked a mile in our shoes they will never really understand it. So I will just leave it at that and not really try and explain it or make people understand. I know in my heart that what we did was the right thing to do and no matter what has been said or done- nothing will change that fact. When judgement day comes- I will not stand before the Lord and have things to explain.. and I can live my life with peace in my heart knowing that fact. No one has to understand it but me, McCall, and the Lord. I don't answer to anyone else and for that fact I am grateful.

Which brings me to my next point of frustration. So for those of you who don't want to hear me vent then stop reading now.. this next part is purely for my own therapy and I am just writing my problems as of late...

I do not have a blog or a Facebook page for the attention or to secretly stalk people or to get pity for my problems. I just have them for the fun of it and it somewhat gives me purpose and the feeling that my life isn't so insignificant I guess. So I don't want people to think I write the things I write with some alternative intention. and I don't want any one to think I am fishing for pity from people but I can honestly say I am way too frustrated to care at his point. The internet has so many different social outlets these days and I am just really sick of people using it as an extension of high school. Seriously people- we are adults now are we not? so ACT LIKE IT!!! I just have had way too much drama in my life the past couple years and I have had more than I can handle at times. I just don't think it is worth it anymore! It has been harder for me to deal with people and has caused me way too much hurt and pain that I am attempting to put a stop to it. I have the personality type where I am just a people pleaser. I don't necessarily need anyones approval or attention or anything like that but when someone has a problem with me I try and try and try to make it right. I try to be friendly and be a better person to them. Most of the time this is my downfall and I end up getting walked all over for it.. and I really should just not care and be myself but I just keep getting sucked into my old habbits. I was talking to my older and much much wiser father about it and time and time again he amazes me and is my perfect example in so many ways. he said, "you need to stop caring what other people say or think or do.. you can only just be yourself and do the things you are supposed to do and let them do theirs. You cannot change the way that other people are, you can only change yourself- and when you just live your life the way you should and stop caring about other peoples opinions then you can just live your life and be happy." he probably said it so much better but I'm just para-phrasing from memory. It is so true though. People will be the way they want to be whether it is right or wrong.. or whether it hurts someone else in the process- most people don't really care either way as long as they get what they want. It just baffles me how people can be so cruel. If I am nice to someone I expect that same nice-ness back. But that is because when people are generally nice to me I feel an obligation to treat them the same way. But people aren't always so logical I guess.. they act however they want without a care in the world. Well I'm sorry that there are people who have been involved in my life in the past that don't like me or like the things I do. I do not wake up in the morning and plot to make someone else miserable. If I offend someone I am sorry and I try and make it right the best that I can. So if that is not good enough to earn forgiveness then there are way too many people who have hard hearts and they need to have a lesson in forgiveness.... what is the scripture.. "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive.. but of you it is required to forgive all men" I think it's in D&C somewhere. So I can no longer concern myself with who forgives me of my shortcomings and who doesn't. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't need anyones forgiveness and people can hate me all they want. I live my life the way I feel that I should and I try to be a good person and that should be sufficient. I am not perfect by any means and I know I am plenty guilty of being cruel to people at one time or another and I have said things at times that I probably shouldn't have and for all of that I am sorry. I am sorry that people can't accept me for who I am. I have a husband who tells me daily how important I am and how he loves me. I have family members who will protect and defend me against anyone I ask them to. That is what true love and friendship are about- it is unconditional- they forgive you no matter what and you forgive them back. You fight for the ones you care for whether it be family or friends.. you don't just give up the second that something rubs you the wrong way. You be the bigger person and be an ADULT and talk through such things and work out any problems that may arise. Love and friendship isn't meant to be easy.. it has trials and problems and you are supposed to work through them.. that is what builds a relationship.

So to end this lengthy post of my frustrations I would just like to say Thanks to those who support and love me no matter what and who forgive me of my many, many faults and shortcomings.. I know I am not the easiest person to deal with at times.. I am not perfect and I will be the first to acknowledge that fact. To those who feel like I am a bad person and hate me in one way or another (and don't even read my blog anyways haha) I just don't care anymore. I will apologize for my faults and wrongdoings towards everyone.. but I will no longer grovel at anyones feet for their acceptance and fogiveness.. if you can't forgive me and like/love me for who and what I am then you don't deserve me anyways. Mother Teresa once said something like 'it is between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway'- I have the longer quote on my kitchen table to remind me of that fact. So what I do is between me and my Heavenly Father and the same goes for everyone else. At least I know that He cares about me and knows the intentions of my heart- He knows I try and do my best even when other people can't see that. He loves me and I have an amazing husband and have awesome brothers, sisters, and parents who will love me no matter how many ways I fall short. So forgive me- or don't- it is your loss.. not mine anymore. I will no longer suffer over what I cannot control.

Thank you and good day! :)